how can u be prego again
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
