No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
