Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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