Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
