I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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