This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
