u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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