20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
