he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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