we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
