Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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