no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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