apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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