I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
