somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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