mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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