WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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