hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
