I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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