this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
