he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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