the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
