is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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