k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
