And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
