my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
tell me about the fingering
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