I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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