I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
