Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
