they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
two words: eviction party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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