can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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