Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
