We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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