3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
