Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
