so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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