It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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