my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
