Betty ford says i'm here all night
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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