Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
