dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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