He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
