Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
third nipple confirmed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
