Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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