somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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