You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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