It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
