Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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