Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
