I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
