I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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