Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
