You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
