Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
