despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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