It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
