so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
