Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
