Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
