Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
