dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
