yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How's work?
Spinning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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