So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
