? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
