so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
