how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
