I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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