I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
