Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
