Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Congratulations! We have a period
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