Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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