My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
