take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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